Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day

There was a time in my life when I thought that this day was not a day meant for me. Sure, I was a step mom, but Tony and I had tried for years to have a baby on our own but were never successful. I was always thinking of reasons of why God didn't want me to be a parent...from being to wild in my younger days, the little fights that Tony and I would have, to the fact that I had an accident once that took away someone elses child. That was the big one that weighed on my mind. Then, it happened one day, with the help of medicine of course. God had decided that I was fit to be a parent. I will never forget telling Tony that we were having quadruplets (he was out of town when I had my first ultrasound) to break the blow that is was actually twins. The look on his face was priceless. We made it through the first 18 weeks and found out that we were having a boy and a girl. Tony said he could see the fear in my eyes when she said that baby A was a boy...I had wanted a girl so bad. We were thrilled that we were going to have one of each. On Sept. 3rd I watched as my sister gave birth to my beautiful niece. I couldn't believe that soon I would be experiencing the same. It was sooner than expected. That night, my water broke. I was only 20 weeks pregnant. there was no way to save the babies, I gave birth to both of them on Sept. 4, our little boy, Gavin, was stillborn, but I held little Greta, and could see her heart beating in her chest. There was nothing they could do for her, and she passed away just minutes after being born. Once again, my mind turned to the accident that I had so many years ago. I know that God is not a punishing God, and although those were my first thoughts, lots of praying helped me realize that it was all just a part of His plan for me. I have gone from last year being one of the worst Mother's Days of my life to this year, one of the best. As I watch my beautiful baby girl try to crawl around on the floor, I say, "Thank you God for letting me experience the most wonderful thing in the world, motherhood." I have been blessed! Happy Mother's Day!