One day, when Tony and I were visiting the quads in the NICU, we had an unexpected visitor. Pastor Lee, from the Lebanon Church of Christ came down to see us, and to welcome the quads. Pastor Lee had been there and prayed with us the night that we were losing the twins, so it meant a lot for him to take the time out of his day to come and pray with us during such a happy time as well. While he prayed for the health and well being of the babies, he also prayed a special prayer for Tony and I. He asked that God give us the humility to ask for help when it is needed. Right away, I knew that it was something that needed to be prayed over us.
I have thought long and hard about writing this entry. I want this blog to be something that my children can look back on someday, and know what joy they brought us. I also want them to know the reality of what our lives were like at the time. The truth is, we did not plan on having 5 kids. Last summer was a tough summer, as many of my friends were having babies or finding out that they were expecting again. Tony and I had discussed having another, and lets just say, we were not on the same page. Lilya was almost potty trained (no more diapers!) and hadn't been on formula for over a year. Did we really want to go back to having those expenses agian. Then, one day he said to me, "Ok, lets have one more." I let him think on it for a couple of months before we ended up going back to the doctor, and I was sure that he was ok with adding one more. We would have to cut out some of the fun stuff (Cubs games, concerts, eating out) again for awhile to get through another diaper/formula stage, but it would be worth it. Then, it was a whole new ballgame when we got the news that we were adding 4. That is 4 times EVERYTHING! On top of that, I would need to be off work while I was pregnant in order to help ensure that I could carry them. Tony and I have always gotten along fine financially, but we had not planned on me going without work. Luckily, we had some money saved, and we were able to get through the financial staints from the bedrest period. Now, it is the time that I would be going back to work. We decided that it would be best for me to take at least this school year off. I want more than anything to be able to stay at home with my little ones...and enjoy it. I just saw a segment on the Today Show called The Secrets of Motherhood. It claimed that a study showed that 42% of women would rather have money than spend more time with their kids. I immediately felt guilty...like I belong in that 42%. But, all I seem to think about these days is how we are going to be able to make it financially. We have been so lucky to have so many wonderful people surrounding us and helping us out. I don't need to be rich. I just want to be able to support the children I have and possibly put back some money for their futures. I wonder how many women of that 42% fit in my shoes. We don't want money for ourselves...we just want to be able to raise our children without the stress of how we are going to pay our bills. Unfortunately, in today's society it often means that both the husband and the wife need to work.
I struggle with being dependent on others. We have such wonderful friends and family. I am so thankful that I have had the support and help with feeding so that again, I am able to enjoy the time that I spend with my children without feeling overwhelmed. It seems like we hardly have a visitor that doesn't come with many gifts...from diapers to dinner, our friends, family and neighbors have brought us so many things. Where would we be without so many special people in our lives? I know that we'll get by with a little help from our friends...but that won't stop me from looking for ways to make money and help support my family from home (is it bad that I fit into that 42%).